Stop, I'm dying

This is SO not okay. Under ANY circumstances.

I Thought I Was A Good High Driver…

I was sadly mistaken. I broke about 18 laws tonight, I think. Not good, my friend. I was so fucked up I was having preminitions of me dying, like Final Destination-type shit. I was sure that I wag getting in a fateful crash. Luckily, no crash, but it did take me 40 makes to make a 10-minute trip home. It felt like one of those long never-ending mazes. The ones where you open the door and it leads to another hallway, and you open another door and it leads to another hallway and set of doors…. so fucking tweak it was terrible.

I ate an entire Domino’s cheest bread and buffalo chicken kickers, and a pack of sour patch kids. This night is going nowhere fast.

palahniukandchocolate:
Content sloth is content.
This is perhaps the most REPULSIVE thing I’ve ever seen. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

palahniukandchocolate:

Content sloth is content.

This is perhaps the most REPULSIVE thing I’ve ever seen. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew

We do know this shit, dumbass. We just pretend we don’t so that we can bitch more.

I’ve officially hit rock-bottom. Nothing is sadder than $20 worth of KFC. White trash guilty pleasures are going to ruin me.

I’ve officially hit rock-bottom. Nothing is sadder than $20 worth of KFC. White trash guilty pleasures are going to ruin me.

(via palahniukandchocolate)

(via palahniukandchocolate)

FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

Okay I never really understood why people got so upset when someone “exposed themselves” to them. Like yea, it’s gross, but get over it.

WELL GUESS THE FUCK WHAT?!

It happened to me about 20 minutes ago in the Wawa parking lot.

I’m losing my shit. It was so fucking gross… like I’ve seen my share of dicks, but it never made me feel sick like this did.

He got his though… when he did it he goes “Yea you like that?” and I, shocked, but still bitchy as ever, reply:

"Not only are you fucking sad and disgusting, but you have a tiny dick."

Needless to say he put it away real quick and drove away.

Fucking DIRT. Scum tooth dirt.

jsallbeeslatestbuzz and seanocean - thanks for following!

THINGS THAT PISS EVERYONE OFF (but especially me):

-       When you’re sharing food with someone, like chips, and you are being courteous taking one at a time and they’re pulling out handfuls like you’re going to try and cheat them by taking 52% of the product, instead of 50%.

-       When someone doesn’t want dessert and says they’ll just try a bite of yours, then they flat out DIG IN and you have to race them just to get a few forkfuls in.

-       When someone cuts in line. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 or 55, everyone throws a fucking HISSY FIT when someone’s friend meets them in line.

-       When the person in front of you spends 3 full minutes just to find that nickel so they can get a $1 bill back instead of 95 cents. But when YOU do it, it’s perfectly reasonable.

-       When someone goes into a restaurant/movie theatre and orders about 5,000 calories of food and then a Diet Coke… really?

-       When other people lick their fingers. You can practically taste the disgust in the air.

-       Girls only: When you go on a first date, and you offer to pay for yours, and the guy actually accepts. Ohhhh the wrath.

-       People who ask for a piece of your candy and then say something like “Oh, I only like the red ones.” Which just so happens to be your favorite too. (i.e. pink Starburst)

-       People who incessantly click their pens, tap their fingers, or jiggle their legs. It doesn’t matter if it’s affecting you or not – you don’t need to hear it or feel it. You still want to go up to them and shake them until they fucking stop.

-       When people type in all caps. The immediate response? “Don’t yell at me!”

-       When adults wear kiddie birthday hats. No more needs to be said on the issue.

-       People who are really into Spongebob and/or anime.

-       Even more so, people who are into pirates and ninjas. It’s fucking weird. Stop.

-       40-year-olds who have facebook and think it’s appropriate to put LOL after everything they say. (i.e. “Soooooo excited for the Eagles game tonight! Gonna get wings LOL!”)

-       People who love to debate. Usually, these people only want to talk to you about your political/ethical/moral views and why you feel that way, and even more, why you’re wrong.

-       Babies that defy nature by actually being ugly.

-       People who “don’t believe” in medicine. Stop being a fucking martyr.

-       People who only eat organic food and shop at Whole Foods. Unless of course, you are one of those people, in which case, you all bond together like a cult.

-       Kabbalah

-       People above age 16 who think reading is for nerds.

-       High school and college girls/frat guys who are always talking about “how much they LOVE getting fucked uppp.” Gag me, you fucking suck.

-       Feminists.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE RAZOR SCOOTERS

dustydgaf:

WHEN YOU GET ONE, ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GET JEALOUS AND GET ONE TOO.

I would say… Relationships are like razr scooters: It seems really cool when everyone else has one, but once you get it, it’s out of style. And a piece of shit.

New, from the Urban Outfitters fall collection.

New, from the Urban Outfitters fall collection.

191 plays

Nothing like dancing around in your underwear at 1:30 p.m.

Favorite line… “I fall in love when you suck my dick.” Truer words have never been spoken.

thingsmydatereallysaidlastnight:

“My last boyfriend had a huge cock. 11 inches—we measured it.”

Last boyfriend… as in… not current?!?! Why the FUCK NOT?! I’ll need a zipcode and phone number please. I’ll wife him the fuck up.

I AM IN LOVE WITH DUSTY

dustydgaf:

poops:

dustydgaf:

poops:

He’s a horrible motherfucker and would eat our babies.

I just know it.

Also, he’d feed my addictions.

GET IN.

get in what? what? huh? me?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

oh. god no. i only date pretty girls.

Wow… I don’t even know either of these people like that… but wow. It’s a harsh world out there, children.


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